North San Juan to String Beer Bottle Lights

The first run of beer bottle lights being assembled.
The first run of beer bottle lights being assembled.

North San Juan, CA — In a bid to outdo Nevada City and “beat them to the punch,” community organizers in the rough and tumble little town of North San Juan are installing homemade street lights made out of old, dirty beer bottles. The bottles will be sourced from the Brass Rail, a popular tavern in the downtown district. Bottles will also be “recycled,” as local organizer Shep “The Ship” Walkins mentions, from bottles cast away in the street. According to Mr. Walkins, these bottles are artifacts of the nightly bar fights.

“We want to show all those trust fund Yuppie cry babies down in Nevada City how to run a project,” announced Mr. Walkins in a Gish Gallop phone interview. “There’s no yammer-yammer bitching and moaning, there’s no stupid ‘City Council meeting,’ there’s no spirited debates on the local moron blogs.”

At the time of this writing, Mr. Walkins has two other people working with him on the project, one guy who will be directing the ladder-guy from his wheelchair.

“It’s a good way to update the town, brighten it up, and clean the streets in more ways than one,” exclaimed Bob “Red” Folstein a retired, disabled vet.

The plan calls for 745 empty beer bottles with old Christmas lights to be strung across Highway 49 in the middle of town. Since none of the businesses want to pay for the electrical power, they’ve found an old Honda gasoline generator to power the lights every night.

“Yeah, the generator will be loud and we’re gonna have to fill it every four hours.  Anyhow, the idea is to string them in such a way that it looks like a few signs above the road. Like a peace sign. An anarchy sign. You know, to make it look North San Juan-like.” Mr. Walkins explained.

As for the future, Mr. Walkins said the next project is a boardwalk, although he admitted that it might just be a place for drunks to pass out. The lighting project is due to be completed this weekend. That is, if the team is able to collect enough gas money from the donation jar they’ve placed on the bar at the Brass Rail, next to the wedged lemons.

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