Nevada City, CA — Prompted by his annoyance at having to look at images of palm trees on the sign, Michael Nudelman today announced his purchase of Beach Hut Deli, LLC. His first order of business will be to remove all palm trees from marketing literature, store fronts and interior decor. “I prefer to look at stumps,” says Nudelman, who is small in stature, “because sometimes I can actually see over the top of them.”
Determined to remove all signs of vertical landscape throughout Nevada County, Nudelman was recently named in a lawsuit filed by the Bear Yuba Land Trust. He is accused of illegally cutting down old growth trees in order to improve his view, leaving unsightly and highly flammable slash. For his actions he was also nominated Neighbor of the Year by CABPRO.
Nudelman has gained some insignificant support in his quest to eliminate all trees in Nevada County. Allergy sufferer Todd Bleseou of Banner Mountain is sick of sniffling and sneezing all the time. He applauds Nudelman’s efforts, believing he is providing a public service by eliminating all of the pollen, which triggers Bleseou’s allergic reaction. “And maybe Allstate will insure our houses again when there is nothing left to burn in a wildfire.”
As the new proprietor of Beach Hut Deli, Nudelman announced that interior and exterior alterations will begin immediately. In addition, several popular menu items are being renamed. The popular “Surfin’ Bird” sandwich will become known as the “No Habitat” sandwich and ‘The Woody” hot sandwich will soon be called “No Wood in Sight” and will be served cold. To better fit the incoming corporate culture, counter staff will be trained in being abrupt, offensive and intoxicated.
Although current Beach Hut Deli market research has ranked the prominent palm tree branding favorably, Nudelman hates trees in general and doesn’t care what his customers think. The corporate motto will be changed to “We’re not happy until you’re not happy!”
Next, Nudelman plans to go after the illuminated Vickerman Outdoor UV Royal Pre-Lit Palm Trees, a collaborative partnership between Ethan Conrad Properties and Wal-Mart. Phase I of the “Bringing Illumination to Penn Valley Project” was recently introduced in front of the Gateway Center.