Washington, D.C. — In what appears to be an overt message both to his supporters and the incoming Donald Trump Administration, President Obama openly smoked cannabis during his last scheduled press conference on Tuesday. Not only is this the first time a sitting President has admitted to smoking marijuana in office, this is also the first time one has done so in public.
The scheduled press conference, which was intended to discuss national security concerns after the recent revelations of Russian cyber-hacking, quickly turned strange as the leader of the free world lit his “Yoda bong” in front of a stunned press corps.
“I was going to get up here and talk to you about how vulnerable our infrastructure is,” said an oddly jovial President Obama, “but then I thought, ‘fuck it, I’m so done with this shit’. So here’s to America.”
At that point, Mr. Obama reached under his lectern and pulled out a Bic lighter and smoked a whole bowl of what was later reported as Nevada County-grown Sour Diesel. He continued to smoke for almost 2 minutes and then a clearly intoxicated Obama addressed the stunned press.
“Look man,” continued the President as marijuana smoke-filled the East Room, “we just all need to chill and do our jobs man. [ there was a 27 second pause while he toyed with the black foam covering on his microphone.] I mean, I’m done with this shit. We’ve got a new President coming in who is going to screw everything up. So, I’m outta here. Peace.”
With that, Mr. Obama stepped back from the microphone to a flurry of questions from the press. The President simply smiled and waved and stumbled out of the White House’s East Room.