Washington, D.C. — President Obama, working with Internet Industry marketing experts, has ordered the government to re-write all regulations, laws and placards into tidy 6-10 “steps” to make it easier for the American population to read good.
“Let me be clear,” said a confident President Obama, “when I took the oath of office, I promised change. And one of the things I noticed when I arrived, is that Americans were having trouble reading good. And if you can’t read good, it’s hard to be a good citizen for democracy.”
According to the Executive Action, all agencies and bureaucracies have 180 days to rewrite all of their rules and regulations into Internet-friendly multi-step clickbait. If they can not complete the conversions in the time allotted, each agency must explain the delay in 6-10 reasons with fancy infographics.
“I am super happy my government is working hard for me like this,” said Misty Smith said from her Roseville, CA home. “It’s too time consuming to research all these bills and regulations, so having a Buzzfeed-like web page for our democracy makes a lot of sense.”
“We’re going to start with the easier things,” said newly formed Department of Internet Lists and Development Organization director Jason Gerryunder. “Like the Bill of Rights. Those are all ready numbered, so they’ll make a perfect slide show with next buttons and a few Google Ads.”
With over 2.6 million employees in the Executive Branch alone, critics are concerned that President Obama’s goals are too aggressive and stupid.
“Uh, this has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of,” said a Department of Education director who desired to remain anonymous. “This is no substitute for education and research. Citizens need to be informed and not with corporate sponsorship.”