Washington D.C. — Today, President Obama wrote and signed an executive order that will allow Syrian refugees free egress across United States borders beginning Tuesday, November 22, 2016.
Yes, two days before Thanksgiving day.
In a Skype interview, the President told Gish Gallop, “What better time to welcome new settlers to our country than the anniversary of the Native Americans welcoming our European ancestors to this great land? We have an obligation as a nation to revisit the hospitality that we received and share the same with others in need.”
I asked President Obama, “That is a warm and fuzzy story, but don’t you remember how that story turned out for the Native Americans? Do you not recall that they were eventually slaughtered by our European ancestors and those that were left alive were exiled to the most gawd-forsaken corners of our country?”
President Obama sat back in his chair, smiled, and replied, “Sadly, truer words have never been spoken. However, we have grown as a people. You know, I truly believe that if my father hadn’t been a deadbeat dad and a raging commie and womanizer, he would be here now, grinning from ear to ear, in support of my ultimatum to the American public.”
I asked the President, “How many of these refugees will you, Hillary, and The Donald be putting up in your homes and neighborhoods?”
“This isn’t the question,” quipped Obama. “Ask not what we are doing for the refugees. Ask what the refugees are doing for us! We are opening hearts and minds by bringing change, real change, to the country. Who doesn’t want that?”
“And just exactly what kind of real change are you talking about,” I asked confusedly.
“Well, I believe in transparency, Shady. I believe that the solution to the Constitution is to start a revolution, and I’d like to count upon your generous contribution.”
Unfortunately, our Skype connection at Gish Gallop offices failed after the last comment from the President. Some claim it was an act of terrorism. Some claim it was the NSA. Turns out we haven’t paid our internet provider in 3 months. We may be refugees by the end of the week.