Flint, MI — In what political pundits are calling an election stunt, President Obama told a crowded town hall meeting in Flint, Michigan that they should take to only drinking beer after what political experts are calling the greatest civil government failure in the past 50 years.
“Let me be clear,” said President Obama reading from a prepared statement on a teleprompter, “the water situation here in Flint is a disgrace. Our government has failed the good people of this city. And even though filtered water is now safe to drink, I can understand that you may have concerns. And I hear them. So today I’m announcing plans to supply each Flint household with as many as a dozen cases of beer per month.”
According to White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest, President Obama has been personally overseeing this “great beer rescue” for almost three months.
“The President is very serious about this Flint tragedy and beer,” said Secretary Earnest fielding a question from a Fox News reporter. “He’s been personally working on a deal with several breweries to supply Flint residents with all the beer they need to stay hydrated.” When pressed on who should be drinking beer, Secretary Earnest replied, “everyone with a Flint zip code ”
Details are vague at the time of this writing, but according to White House insiders, President Obama has made deals with breweries to supply the enormous amount of beer required to hydrate Flint residents. According to an internal memo, the brewery participants include Coors/Miller and the Sierra Nevada Brewing Company located in Chico, CA. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is said to be “the old standby” for President Obama.