Passive-Aggressive Roofing Aims to Indirectly Intimidate Customers

Passive-Aggressive Roofing's first purchase: a contractor's bucket truck.
Passive-Aggressive Roofing’s first purchase: a contractor’s bucket truck.

Grass Valley, CA — After becoming frustrated with the overcrowded “Aggressive” roofing services market in Nevada County, newly formed Passive-Aggressive Roofing Company hopes to fill that void with a stubbornly hostile, snarky and a resistive attitude towards all customers. With their slogan “‘Whatever’…you want,” often simply shortened to “Whatever…”, Passive Aggressive Roofing is hoping to become the county’s leader in the “Fine/Whatever” roofing market.

“Whatever it takes, that’s what PA Roofing is all about,” said Passive-Aggressive Roofing founder and owner Ramon Schall from his Rough and Ready home office. “We want to present the softer side of aggressiveness, all the while getting the job done. The wife is manning the phones and ends every call with a super-nice ‘bless your heart.'”

PA Roofing had just completed their first job out on Cedar Ridge, CA the past weekend, and Gish Gallop reached out to the customers for comment.

“Well me and the miss’es are trying to get on a plane for our yearly Fiji trip,” said a somewhat impatient Pete Johnson outside his Somerset Drive home. So we called these guys, and they were weird on the phone, but the price was right and they said they could do our roof over the weekend. But then after they arrived, they started behaving like dicks.”

According to neighbors the roofing team, which included Mr. Schall, his son Stead and a migrant worker they picked up at Home Depot, immediately starting acting strangely from the moment they climbed onto the Johnson’s roof.

“I told Peg that I thought those guys were taunting Pete,” said a frowning, across-the-street neighbor and recent area transplant Tommy Empire. “I paint for a living, so you’re always in people’s business in their homes. You need to be full of ‘yes sirs and yes ma’ams’ all the time, even if you hate their guts, which I often do.”

According to Mr. Empire’s wife Peggy, the roofing crew seemed to ignore Mr. Johnson’s requests for time estimates and responded with, “it will be done when its done, OK?”

The PA roofing crew did manage to finish the job late Sunday night giving Mr. Johnson and his wife enough time to prepare for their Fiji vacation. As for. Mr. Schall of Passive-Aggressive roofing, he seemed happy with the service he provided to his first customer.

Those Johnsons are exactly why I got into the Passive-Aggressive roofing business,” continued a confident Mr. Schall. “I mean, we were running a bit behind because it was our first job. But we just whipped out one of our famous ‘you always want everything to be perfect, don’t ya?’ lines to Mr. Johnson and he seemed satisfied with that. He did yell something back at us, but I couldn’t hear what he said over the power tools. So I just grinned and waved back.”

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