Penn Valley Residents Urging Carry and Conceal Plastic Bag Ordinance

Plastic Bag floating away. Weeee!
Plastic Bag floating away. Weeee!

Penn Valley, CA In an astonishing, and what some are calling a reactionary turn of events, citizens of the quiet, conservative census-designated town of Penn Valley are asking the Nevada County Board of Supervisors to pass an ordinance to “allow all law-abiding citizens to carry and conceal as many plastic bags as they wish,” and that “such law-abiding citizens should be allowed to ‘stand their ground’ when confronting anti-plastic bag advocates in Grass Valley and Nevada City.”

“It’s about time someone stood up to these people who are trying to take away our liberties,” said Mark Lenti from his home in the gated and highly security conscious community of Lake Wildwood. “First they came for the Socialists, and I didn’t speak out. Then they came for the Republicans and still no speaking. And then our guns, and now plastic bags, and next my wife. Or something like that. You get the picture.”

According to the Progressive Earth Policy Institute, more than 132 large cities have enacted plastic shopping bag bans. Invented in Sweden in 1962, the single-use plastic shopping bag was first popularized by Mobil Oil in the 1970s in an attempt to increase its market for polyethylene, a fossil-fuel-derived compound. Many activists see the link between our planet’s dependence on fossils fuels and consumer plastic bags as a clear sign of a declining human ecosystem. Also, most anti-bag activists point to the hard times such bags inflict on wildlife

“It’s not that difficult to switch to re-usable bags,” said Dorothy Mullaney outside of Raley’s in Grass Valley. “In fact, I have these very stylish ones with my grandkids’ pictures on them. Just look how nice they are.”

Mary Shilling of Penn Valley
Mary Shilling of Penn Valley

The citizens of the greater Penn Valley area are unrelenting.

“You can take my plastic shopping bags from my cold dead hands when I’m cold and dead, with no hands,” said Mary Shilling in an interview out in front of Plaza Tire in Penn Valley. “Look, they work great at Taco Shell. They work great at Grocery Outlet. Why change a good thing? Why mess with my bagging liberties?”

It is unclear at the time of this writing if the mixing of so many issues into one will move the matter forward. Please check back as this is a developing story.

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