Penn Valley to Adopt Confederate Battle Flag

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Brock Whalen of Penn Valley's PVCASO.
Brock Whalen of Penn Valley’s PVCASO.

Penn Valley, CA — A group of Penn Valley, CA activists have banded together and unofficially declared the Confederate Battle Flag to be its unofficial city flag. They’ve formed an action group called the Penn Valley Citizens Against Speech Oppression or PVCASO (pronounced  “puv cay-so”), which aims to restore the values of traditional, Christian America to America.

While it wasn’t the Confederate states’ official flag, the battle flag was flown by several Confederate Army units. The most notable among them was Gen. Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia. And even Lee distanced himself from divisive symbols of a Civil War that his side lost. However Penn Valley citizens are using it to make a point.

“Look,” said PVCASO spokesman Brock Whalen from his Lake Wildwood home office,”our freedoms are under attack from everywhere now. Our wells, our bodily fluids and now our right to express our God-given 1st Amendment rights under attack. Florists, caterers and bakers across this nation are being forced out of business because of their deep-held traditional beliefs. So we’re drawing the line here in Penn Valley. This is a Confederate-friendly zone.”

Confederate Flags in Penn Valley
Penn Valley residents: We’re being driven into private discourse because of our beliefs.

One of the goals PVCASO is to bring Conservative’s Pre-20th Century discourse into public square. And using the Confederate Battle Flag will get them the important reactionary attention the group feels they need.

“We are being driven into hidden private discourse,” continued Mr. Whalen.” I assume that those who cling to old beliefs will be able to whisper their thoughts in the recesses of their homes, but if they repeat those views in public, they will risk being labeled as bigots and treated as such by governments, employers, and schools. And we are seriously afraid of being called names by these liberal bullies. We’re coming out of the closet, so to speak.”

According to Mr. Whalen the group plans on handing out flags for a “donation” price of $64.56. The group recommends that all Penn Valley residents fly their battle flags in their front yards. PVCASO is selling a truck adapter kit for $12.35 which will allow its Patriots to fly their flags on their Dodge, and sometime Ford, trucks.