Penn Valley to Deny “Gay” Marriage Licenses

Brock Whalen of Penn Valley, CA is fighting to keep gay marriage out of his community.
Brock Whalen of Penn Valley, CA is fighting to keep gay marriage out of his community.

Penn Valley, CA — Not far from Gish Gallop offices, a group of local Christian activists have banded together to prevent same-sex marriages from happening in Penn Valley, CA. The group, called Citizen Against Non-Traditions or CAN’T, not only seeks to prevent anyone from gaining a marriage license in the rural, conservative town, but also to prevent, in the words of organizers “the gay-ification of Penn Valley.”

“We’ve had enough of the attacks on our Constitutional Rights,” said CAN’T leader Brock Whalen of Penn Valley. “The 1st Amendment is under attack. If we can’t exercise our rights to deny other people their heathenish and ungodly behavior, what will this country come to. The buck stops here in Penn Valley. God Bless America.”

Despite the fact that Penn Valley does not possess the power to issue marriage licenses, which can only be done by the county, this municipal fact has not stopped the activists from moving forward.

“We make no apologies for intimidating these people,” continued Mr. Whalen speaking outside of his Lake Wildwood home. “There is a war going for the culture of the United States. Besides, this is about our freedoms, not theirs. We are commanded to love the sinner but hate the sin. But there is nothing in the Bible that says we have to approve of this behavior by allowing gays to marry and celebrate here. They can go to Nevada City for that.”

The 5 member CAN’T team has drafted a resolution which outlines, in relative detail, the eight “new rules and principles” for “gays” in Penn Valley.

  1. Penn Valley refuses to issue new marriage licenses to the gays
  2. Gay Marriages are forbidden within 5 miles of Penn Valley
  3. Gays can carry guns, they just can’t get married in Penn Valley. Even at gun point.
  4. Gay wedding receptions are forbidden
  5. Defending God’s Word is not bigotry; it’s righteousness.
  6. The Godless 14th Amendment should be ignored by Christians.
  7. Gay use of Lake Wildwood permitted on the 2nd Wednesday of each month from 11-11:30am.
  8. The Ten Commandments will be posted on both the Eastbound and Westbound entrances to Penn Valley on Highway 20 to remind everyone that God doesn’t approve of gay marriage.

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Thanks for calling out the bigots.