People Who Swear Have Higher Fucking IQs, by Loretta Splitair

Gish Gallop’s Loretta Splitair.

Opinion — So there are all these stories floating around these days about how if you’re a night owl and you swear a lot and you’re messy that you’re a latent genius or something. I’ve done some research on the topic, and I can unequivocally tell you that fucking swearing means you’re smarter than those god damned assholes who are too afraid to even utter the words ‘gosh darn.’

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “well, fuck you.” Good, you’re well on your way to the smarter life.

For the record, you have to work your way up to it. It took me years to embrace this new, fucking lifestyle. Having been raised in a conservative Kansas Christian home, we weren’t allowed to say ‘poop’. The terrified parents worried that God would strike us down if we said ‘shit’. What I learned is that God, if there is one, probably doesn’t care if you have a potty mouth. But people who wish to control your behavior, do.

To that end, I’ve stolen a handy pie graph from the Internet that help illustrate how important it is to swear and not worry about it.

Source

I Get It, I Really Do

Well growing up on a farm, you see a lot of fucking shit everywhere. There’s cow shit; dog shit; chicken shit. All kinds of shit everywhere. Fuck, there was dog shit in the house when dad drank too much and forgot to put them out in the morning.

I guess what I’m saying is we get too hung up on unimportant bullshit, meanwhile the real fuckery is happening and we fill helpless to do anything about it. And although I agree that the tone and tenor of our conversations has grown coarse and impolite, swearing like a fucking sailor is not a part of that.

Yeah, if you’re not used to it, swearing can be a bit jarring. But is it any worse or more offensive than drone-bombing brown people in the Middle East? Or knowing that elderly people don’t have enough food at the end of the month? Where’s the outage there? Fuck you, you fucking fuck for not paying attention to the fucking things that matter. You asshole. Go fuck yourself and your virtue signaling. This is 2019, and people aren’t buying it anymore.

Fuck.

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D. Charles Rice

A foul mouth is nothing but the mark of a loose tongue and ignorance free to utter nonsense in serial curses which may make the speaker feel empowered but demonstrate their lack of genuine insight. And a poor upbringing is no excuse and a reflection upon one’s mohter’s training of the person thus inclined.