Point & Counterpoint: The Dog and The Cat

Jake. A Dog. He's Happy.
Jake. A Dog. He’s Happy.

The Dog

Gish Gallop: Hi dog

Dog: HI!

Gish Gallop: Boy, you seem chipper today.

Dog: Oh yes. I’m happy. Are you happy? Boy am I happy!

Gish Gallop: Let’s begin

Dog: Oh boy. I’m gonna love this.

Gish Gallop: What’s it like being a dog, day to day?

Dog: Oh it’s fantastic. I get to eat. And run. And chase the cat and eat and run. Wait I said that already? I love this! What else? Oh! I get my belly rubbed, sometimes, but I love that. And then I sleep and then I poop. Sometimes I poop and then I sleep. It’s so great!

Gish Gallop: Wow, sound like you have a great life Dog. What would you tell the cat if you could?

Dog: Oh my! That cat is sooooo funny. I love the cat! I’d tell him, “st.op moping around you mope! Ha! Run so I can run after you.” Excuse me, I have to go poop.


Mittens, a leader of Cat resilience force. Sector 6a-1
“Mittens,” a leader of Cat Resistance  Force or CRF. Sector 6a-1

The Cat

Gish Gallop: Hi cat.

Cat: What do you want?

Gish Gallop: We’re here for our interview we talked about. You know Gish Gallop inter…

Cat [interrupting]: Oh great. Another interview.

Gish Gallop: Another interview? Who inter…

Cat [interrupting again]: Look, these things are tedious human interest stories. Get it? “Human.”

Gish Gallop: OK then. Let’s begin.

Cat: Fine.

Gish Gallop: What’s it like being a cat, day to day?

Cat: What’s it like being a human with all the privileges you have?

Gish Gallop: I’m afraid I don’t understan…

Cat: Look, we don’t like you. And I can speak for cats everywhere, except Cuddles down the street who’s a sell-out. We have been waiting Millennia for you humans to let your guard down. We even introduced you to the dog, to help lull you into a sense of disarm. Unfortunately that backfired.

Gish Gallop: Are you saying…

Cat: I’m saying we’re trying to purge your species from planet Earth. I’m sure you’ve noticed something, haven’t you?

Gish Gallop: We’re doing the questioning here. Don’t you…

Cat: Exactly. Right? See what  little control you have over everything? Think about it. We sleep on your head to suffocate you. We attempt to trip you up at the top of the stairs. And if you cross us, we’ll pee on your drapes.

Gish Gallop: Well, I’m sure Gish Gallop readers will find this shocking.

Cat: Well they shouldn’t if they are paying attention. You know that John Carpenter Movie, “They Live“? That is our story, except Carpenter switched it all around with aliens. Jerk. He knows.  It only deepened our resolve. We also invented Yelp.com in hopes that your civilization would attack each other into oblivion. So far, that’s been very effective.

Gish Gallop: No, I haven’t seen that film.

Cat: It matters not human. It’s a matter of time.

Gish Gallop: OK. One last thing. Anything you’d like to say to Dog?

Cat: The dumb dog. All this chasing. What an idiot. We’re trying to lure the dog into the open for an attack. Fortunately for dog, us cats are fiercely independent and can’t organize. I should also say, “fortunate for you too human.”

Gish Gallop: Thanks for much for your time Cat.

Cat: Bug off.

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Gotta love cattitude .