Poll Numbers Reflect America’s Expanding Asshole Demographic

A typical angry American and Donald Trump supporter.
A typical American asshole and Donald Trump supporter.

Palo Alto, CA — The Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation has just published a 187 page study that found that Donald Trump’s recent triumph in the polling data suggests that America is finally realizing its asshole potential. The 2 month study, sponsored in part by People for a Better Today, which is a Progressive  PAC, sought to understand why average Americans have become so infatuated with an asshole like Donald Trump or a political dimwit like Ben Carson.

“We had to do this one quick,” commented Robert Colvin, lead researcher at Rundex. “I mean, we usually have years to study these things. Anyhow, the data was unambiguous; Americans are quickly more asshole-like with each day. Please note that is not our term [referring to the word ‘asshole’], that’s the one used by the people we surveyed.”

According to the study, which interviewed over 4000 people with a standard deviation of .70711, most Americans are angry. Really angry. When asked what they are angry about, the answers varied, but Rundex summarized the top 8 common “angry items” that are turning average Americans into complete, unhinged assholes.

  1. Congress, with the exception of their Congress Member who was “doing an OK job despite the other assholes there.”
  2. The Internal Revenue Service
  3. Republicans: Democrats who are on welfare
  4. Democrats: Dumb Republicans and their endless supply of guns
  5. The dearth of decent daytime television
  6. Family Vacations
  7. Roundabouts
  8. Tie: Snooki/Caitlyn Jenner

Political consultants have known about these findings for quite sometime. In fact, the Trump campaign conducted a similar private study back in November of 2014, Gish Gallop has learned. Donald Trump’s handlers have been using the data to target specific “anger points” in the electorate, according to a former insider who chose to remain anonymous.

“Here’s the thing,” said the Trump insider. “Donald doesn’t believe in any of this crap that he says. He’s just targeting the topics that are going to whip-up the voters into a frenzy. That’s how he rolls. It has to be a ‘sure thing’ for him. Anyhow, once he has them all emotional and angry, he tells them what they want to hear. He just wants to be President, and he doesn’t really care about Mexico, China, immigration or whatever.”

Gish Gallop reached out to the Hillary Clinton campaign for comment and received this following email:

“I am sick and tired of all this talking about nothing. What does it matter? We have a country to run, and I intend to do that. I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base. That’s what this campaign is like. Sniper fire.”

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breatheasy06tshhuaBoko999GreggMilliganAlphonso de Barbo Recent comment authors
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Boko999
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Boko999

Watching the US collapse into a swamp of derp with horrified facsination.
You fuckers are truly assholes.
Congratulations.

Webmaster Tim
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Thanks?

Boko999
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Boko999

No probs.
Such hard work should be acknowledged.

GreggMilligan
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GreggMilligan

G-Wiz and I thought you loved us? You said so at the party last night while swimming naked in the pool with that 80 year old lady. I thought, “Wow, this guy is really sweet for being so kind to that old women who needs love.” Now, I’m hurt and crying really really hard. 🙂

Boko999
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Boko999

You were so busy blowing that Rottweiler I’m surprised you noticed

Zzyzx
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Zzyzx

Americans have been assholes for a very long time. Trump just gave them back their deplorable voices with his politically incorrect racism, misogyny, xenophobia and on and on. Yes Trump knows exactly how to manipulate people even though he doesn’t believe in any of his rhetoric. True narcissism has one loyalty…….me me me me then more me me. Americas narcissism is making us all obvious now huh! No wonder everyone hates us! Lol

Alphonso de Barbo
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Alphonso de Barbo

LOVE Donald!

Zzyzx
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Zzyzx

Bet you’d love to suck him off. All you haters are going back under the rocks you came out from. Dick head is your favorite past time. Irredeemable assholes that you all are

Alphonso de Barbo
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Alphonso de Barbo

…but, Sweetheart, it’s you who’s spewing the hate… you, and the rest of the Liberal Marxist vermin you associate yourself with…

Zzyzx
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Zzyzx

I’m not the turn the other cheek type.
When I’m emporer you’ll find out what I’d do with irredeemables!
“Too the cornfield” lol
Tax the rich and feed the poor dumb ass.
When your facist so called orez is locked up you can send him love notes of support.

Alphonso de Barbo
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Alphonso de Barbo

…are you doing meth?

Zzyzx
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Zzyzx

That’s called projection. To the cornfield with you

Alphonso de Barbo
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Alphonso de Barbo

…is that some ‘New Age’ Liberal Marxist bullshit?

GreggMilligan
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GreggMilligan

You forgot to check your dictionary again for the proper wording to your hate speech.

GreggMilligan
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GreggMilligan

Hi! I missed you baby! When are you going to leave the U.S.? We will miss sooooo muchie! Lots of Love!!

breatheasy06
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breatheasy06

you are very ugly. Therefore, you musn’t talk. (Trump logic). Very pertinent when it comes it to bourgeois shit such as yourselves.

crag keeper
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crag keeper

The United States is a failed experiment in personal greed and the hoarding of wealth .
Time for a take-over by some other country. Preferably Socialist.

Alphonso de Barbo
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Alphonso de Barbo

ISIS is waiting in the wings!

rev2000
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rev2000

Like roaches in a dark room . . . Trump brought out the assholes I knew for years were hiding out there. Ignorant, inbred, ill-educated, greedy. self-centered morons.

Alphonso de Barbo
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Alphonso de Barbo

That’s not PC… You better go back and do a refresher course on being a Liberal Marxist arsehole… Donald is KING!

tshhua
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tshhua

I have lived in this hell hole for most of my sorry life. I have found Americans to be generally dishonest; greedy and basically horrid jerks. I made a mistake by coming here and will be moving away soon. No regrets. You are the worst people I ever met. Go kiss your Trump you racist ***.