Recent California Rains Provide No Relief for Subterranean Fire Risk

A Special Report with contributions from Gish Gallop Weather genius Giovanni Paredes

Catholic Church Creates New Circle of Hell for Grass Valley. Photo: Meagan Medina via Facebook
Church Creates New Circle of Hell for Grass Valley earlier this year

Grass Valley, CA As previously reported on Gish Gallop, the newly decreed circle of Hell from the Vatican will not be quenched anytime soon according to weather insiders.

The recent deluge of rain that inundated much of California has failed to produce snow at higher elevations which is key to removing drought restrictions and preventing the  subterranean fire risk brought on by the latest Papal order. Although the torrential rains will impact reservoir and lake water levels, they will have little impact on the damned of Nevada County as they circumnavigate the burning iron walls just outside the Level 5 City of Dis.

Not everyone is disappointed by this lack of Subterranean relief.

“Well, I gotta be honest,” said patrolling Level 7 Minotaur Durraduk Djarras taking a break from corralling former assassins and tyrants. “A rush of water would really cut back my productivity. It doesn’t take a Nazi Rocket scientist to know that fire and water don’t mix. And you should see the mess it [water] makes with Sulfur.”

Brock Whalen of Bring Back Glenn Beck
Brock Whalen of Bring Back Glenn Beck

According to Gish Gallop Weather Savant Giovanni Paredes in his latest report, snow levels will remain high has the weather system are warm producing snow only at the mountain passes and above. This lack of long-term water storage means less relief for Grass Valley’s damned.

“This is exactly the kind of thing that can happen when you allow others to control our ground water,” said a somewhat over-confident Brock Whalen from his Penn Valley, CA home office. “How, pray-tel, are we supposed to defeat the imperial forces of Satan if we can’t control our own water?”

Fortunately the recent Papal decree put Grass Valley’s ring at a relatively higher ring of Hell level, which means relief might be coming to the condemned.


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