Palo Alto, CA — A joint 8-month study conducted by the Rundex Family Foundation and the American Enterprise Institute has found that Nazis prefer the dining selection at Applebee’s restaurants by a factor of 2 to 1 over the next closest restaurant chain.
“Well the data doesn’t lie,” said Rundex lead researcher Robert Colvin speaking from his Mountain View, CA home office. “We’ve been studying the nexus of hate and dining preferences over the past 8 months, and there is definitely a correlation between white nationalism and eating at casual restaurants where most of the food is pre-cooked and simply needs to be reheated. Reactionary white people seem to love that stuff. And frankly on an intuitive level, what’s could be whiter than the name Applebee’s?”
Earlier this week, the New York Times published an article which in effect normalized Nazis in America, making them seem “just like everyone else.” During the course of the interview with alt-right white supremacist Tony Hovater of New Carlisle, Ohio, New York Times writer Richard Fausset ate at a local Applebee’s establishment.
Although not reported in the New York Times article, a server at the area Applebee’s said that Mr. Hovater was a regular along with what she called several of his “white pals.” During the interview, Mr. Hovater ordered Cheetohs-crusted macaroni and cheese bites and cheeseburger egg rolls, which are the most common items ordered by Nazis, according to the Rundex study.
“It seems the like food that is also very white and without color,” continued Mr. Colvin pausing a moment to gather his thoughts. “We need more study, especially considering that Panera Bread came in second, which was Nazi’s second choice. It was the other place that Mr. Hovater and Mr. Fausset dined during the interview. That’s a pretty hippie-progressive place for Nazis to eat at, but they like it too. Maybe because it sounds German or something? Like I said, we need more study on the topic.”