Washington, D.C — Several safety experts have raised concerns about warehouse giant Costco’s plans to launch a new fleet of trucks that might make the nation’s roads more dangerous. The trucks, called “Big Babies” according to a leaked internal Costco memo, are approximately 2.5 times larger than the current vehicles allowing the company to ship just as many goods.
“We do have some very serious and unaddressed concerns regarding these new trucks,” said Missouri-based road safety expert James J. Jameson who said he’s also contracted the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) about his worries. “Let’s forget for a moment that none of these will fit under any overpass on the nation’s highway systems, OK? They are susceptible to being toppled by high winds and can also create a significant amount of wake clear air turbulence on the highways. These monsters will literally blow other cars off the road.”
Following the leaked memo, Costco officials were forced to discuss the new controversial vehicles.
“We are always looking for a better way to reduce costs,” said Costco spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “And those costs savings we pass right onto our customers. Not only will we be able to carry more products, we will also be able to load even larger, bulk versions of our products. For example, we will be able to triple the size of our toilet paper packages.”
The NTSB issued a statement that it is not interesting in investigating in this current “era of deregulation.”