Sanders Gets Real with Colorado Constituents

Apparently Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders inhales.
Apparently Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders inhales.

Boulder, CO — On a routine campaign stop in the Colorado college town of Boulder, Presidential Hopeful Bernie Sanders decided that he needed to “get real” with some of his younger potential voters by revealing his life-long admiration for all things Rastafari. Speaking in front of a student crowd of almost 4,000 twenty-somethings, Mr. Sanders made a point to show the young that he was serious about their issues.

“I can tell you very few people were arrested for smoking marijuana [when I was mayor],”  said Senator Sanders in his vintage Rastafarian garb. “Our police had more important things to do. Colorado has led the effort toward legalizing marijuana and I’m going to watch very closely to see the pluses and minuses of what they have done.”

Much to the surprise of the crowd, the upstart Vermont Democratic Socialist pulled out a marijuana cigarette and lit it. At first the audience fell completely silent not understanding what the Progressive politician was doing. But as soon as he lit the “joint,” and inhaled and exhaled, the audience exploded into cheers.

“This is a real turning point for our generation,” said 21-year-old sophomore and Denver native Bryan Dent. “He speaks to the things we care about. I sooooo want to hang out with him.”

Political insiders are torn on whether Sanders’ overt support of the marijuana culture will hinder or promote is campaign.

“Well, I think that this will probably help solidify his base,” said political and policy analyst Steven Seawright from the non-partisan think tank Pew Research Center. “Bernie’s only chance is to get the young vote out. He’s not going to win the audience who’s still watching the NBC nightly news. He needs to seem hip and relevant, at the same time appear to be the parent that young people wish they had. So I believe this action, while alienating people who wouldn’t probably vote for him anyway, is going to solidify his base. This is the time to do it.”

Not everyone thought this was a wholesome political gesture.

Brock Whalen of Penn Valley's PVCASO.
Brock Whalen of Penn Valley’s PVCASO.

“Look, the last thing we need is another liberal socialist politicians modeling bad behavior,” said Penn Valley, CA resident and Republican activist Brock Whalen in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “This is an example of Sanders pandering to his base. Compare that to [Donald] Trump who’s talking about real issues, like immigrants sucking our welfare to death and taking our valuable jobs from the blacks.”

Gish Gallop reached out to the Sanders campaign for comment, but at the time of this writing, we have received no response. We will update this developing story as details come in.

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