Gish Gallop Poem: The Rats In The Hats

by Shady Grove

The economy was ruined.
It was a big house of cards.
Obama laughed, “Screw you!”,
with a kick in the nards

He stopped in Berdoo,
as a sad token gesture.
On his way to Oahu,
with his wife, the court jester.

He made a deal with the devil,
also known as Paul Ryan.
Left the American public
up the shit creek and cryin’.

Then Obama killed Christmas.
He said, ” we can not blame him.”
” ‘Cuz the jolly old elf
is just a fat old Pagan.”

“We Muslims, we hate
Christians, Pagans, and Jews!”
“We hate Europe, America”,
“and those who wear shoes!”

“We hate righty’s and lefty’s!”
“The tall and the short!”
“We hate women and children!”
“Their lives we abort!”

“And now that we’ve got you”,
“down on the mats.”
“We’ll ravage your carcass!”,
“Cuz we’re the Rats in the Hats!”

And the Duchess of Douche,
the one called Hillary,
pulled the pants off old Bernie
and exposed his wee, wee.

She said, “I’ll take all your guns!”
“I’ll disarm the whole group!”
“Then I’ll cook you all up,
like a big pot of soup!”

Then Bernie shot back,
“You’re an ugly old bat!”
“You’re dirty and nasty!”
“You’re a Rat in a Hat!”

The Donald slams Jeb.
He slams Rubio and Cruz.
He says, “I’m the bully!”
“I’ve got nothing to lose!”

“I’ll build a big wall”,
“to keep criminals out.”
“I’ll tell comrade Putin”,
“to cut that shit out!”

“I’ll ban all the Muslims”,
“from the country I love.”
“You go police yourselves”,
“We’ve got no more love!”

“And when I win out”,
“one thing remains clear.”
“I’ll pay off my cronies”,
“you’ll get screwed in the rear!”

“And then I’ll be Chancellor”,
“what do you think about that?”
“Turns out I’m really”,
“just a Rat in a Hat!”

Obama and Bernie,
both on their way out.
Will leave to another,
their big mess , it’s no doubt.

Hillary wears a bad wig.
And The Donald does too,
They’re the one’s that looks stupid,
but they’re laughing at you.

They’ve all had their facelifts,
what a terrible disguise.
But it can’t hide the treachery,
the cheating, the lies.

If you vote this election,
it won’t pay to be wise.
You’ll just have to pick,
the Rat that you least despise.

They all want your money!
Some, your freedoms and gats!
They’ll strip all your rights,
so you can’t hunt the Rats!

And when you’re all standing,
in a long line to buy bread.
Just remember, you didn’t stand up,
To the Rats with the Hats on their heads!

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Shady Grove
Shady Grove was born Eugene Wojohouski, May 9th, 1965, in Oyster Bay, Long Island, New York. As a young boy, he had a penchant for shiny objects and colorful stones. His claims of being able to look into the stones and see the future, as well a being able to find buried treasure, were met generally with great skepticism and an occasional tight wedgie. He attended Hicksville High School on Long Island where he excelled at spending the day locked in various school gym lockers, day dreaming, and organizing show tune ensembles with his friends… While in high school, he met his soul mate, Whimsy Goldblatt… After graduation, Eugene and Whimsy were wed in a civil ceremony and left New York for the sunshine and carefree shores of California… This pissed their parents off something awful… Eugene took a job at the docks in San Pedro, California, for a tuna canning company, while Whimsy waited tables in a longshoreman’s diner… Eugene soon earned a reputation as a “shady” character after swindling several of his coworkers with his treasure stones… One afternoon, Whimsy brought Eugene some lunch… They slipped into the canning plant for some privacy and while making passionate love on a suspended steel girder, Whimsy slipped and plunged 40 feet into the tuna steaming vat below… Eugene, fearing that he would lose his job, and maybe worse, did not report the incident to anyone… Whimsy became a small part of 10,000 cans of tuna… Eugene put the incident behind him, did a stint in the military, where he changed his name to Shady Grove, and then moved to San Francisco where he opened an open mic nightclub for poetry and show tunes… He later became a saucier at the posh Bourges Hotel and wrote a regular column for the “Bay Area Breeze”, a publication dedicated to the preservation of show tunes and those who love them…Though he never remarried, he has been in a long term partnership with a woman pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman… He is now retired somewhere in Gold Country where he spends his time raising two puppies, boating in the cool waters, tending his herb garden, and writing freelance reports for several news agencies…
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