Gish Gallop Reporter Lands Gig on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart covering Delaney Faris' Trump spider.
Jon Stewart covering Delaney Faris’ Trump spider.

Nevada City, CA — Local humorist, author and mediocre guitar player, Delaney Faris, has recently signed a contract with Comedy Central to contribute freelance jokes, angles, and spin to The Daily Show to “make the show funnier.”

The host of The Daily Show, Jon Stewart, is leaving the show in a few weeks and is worried about the transition of hosts. Jon Stewart has hosted The Daily Show since 1999. Stewart’s replacement will be comedian Trevor Noah.

Faris said that a rough draft of a story he had done for Gish Gallop, about Donald Trump’s hair, contained this quip: “First things first: your hair’s not fine. That hair? That’s comedy entrapment. People are not attacking your hair they are defending themselves from something that appears like it’s about to attack them.” The line was later changed in edit when The Daily Show expressed interest in buying it.

That line, coupled with Stewart’s delivery, scored huge laughs on Monday night’s The Daily Show broadcast.

It is unclear how The Daily Show even saw Faris’s rough draft as it was never published.

“That was comedy gold, and I told Jon so,” explains Liz Winstead, The Daily Show’s creator and executive producer. “I really felt that to keep the show connected through this transition of hosts, we needed to take our fans seriously. They are where the gold is. We see gold in Delaney Faris.”

“I totally forgot about that line,” Faris tells Gish Gallop, “I had hit ‘enter’ and moved on. When Liz Winstead called to say that Daily Show would pay $8 for that line, I nearly melted. When Jon Stewart called me and said he wanted to meet face-to-face, I thought I was screwed. He sounds pissed off on the phone, to be honest.”

Jon Stewart assured Mr. Faris that he was not ‘screwed’. Eating a Chinese Chik’n Salad at the Faris Ranch, Jon Stewart explained that using freelance writers that are fans of the show will help to maintain some continuity in the style of the show, while also allowing Mr. Noah a chance to find and develop his own voice.

Delaney Faris at the 2015 Golden Globe Awards.
Delaney Faris at the 2015 Golden Globe Awards.

“That’s why I am out here meeting you guys. I want to know that the show can transition smoothly to a completely new host,” said Mr. Stewart, at Delaney Faris’s Nevada City home last weekend. “I want to check out all of our new writers to make…to make sure they’re not dicks, really. To make sure that the voice of the show stays on track, regardless of who is the host.”

Says Stewart, “Look, we tend to make dick jokes. That’s what we do. Is it our fault if politicians and actors find themselves walking into our sphere? I only just met this Faris guy, but I like his wit. He will be a huge contribution to the show going forward.”

“I make enough to be happy, I’m comfortable. I don’t need the income, I would write for The Daily Show for free. That they are paying me for the jokes, that’s icing on the cake,” admits Mr. Faris, “and it was great to have Jon Stewart out in Nevada City for the weekend. We actually are going to collaborate on a few things after his so-called retirement.”

“We can’t disclose the terms of the contracts we have with freelance writers, but we can confirm that Mr. Faris is, and will be, a significant contributor to the show,” responded Liz Winstead to Gish Gallop’s inquiries. “He has already made Monday’s return, after a two-week break, a complete success.”

Fink, Gish Gallop’s editor-in-chief, has said that there is no breach of contract in Faris’s decision as he will continue to write for Gish Gallop.

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TheDirtmover
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TheDirtmover

Word of warning. N.Y. just might throw you in jail just because you live in a county that’s shaped like a gun.

Delaney Faris
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Woikin’ on my New Yawk accent.

Michael Tesh
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Michael Tesh

Do you really have to go out there?

Delaney Faris
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The Little Red Fish says I must go.

Delaney Faris
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I’m there, but things have not gone well.