Des Moines, IA — According to Hollywood insiders, Presidential hopeful and Tea Party favorite Senator Ted Cruz has announced a multi-year contract with Warner Brothers Pictures to star in as many as 3 Batman films. The deal, which is still mostly under wraps, is purported to be worth millions for the star Texas Senator who will be starring as the iconic villain “The Penguin.”
“Some people call me the Space Cowboy,” said a proud Senator Cruz using the announcement as an opportunity to reach out to Iowa voters and erroneously quoting the 1973 Steve Miller hit The Joker. “Some people call me Maurice, ’cause I speak of the pompatus of love. I am so happy to take on this iconic role. I was born to play the Penguin.”
The Penguin or Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot is a fictional super-villain appearing in American comic books published by DC Comics, commonly as an adversary of the superhero Batman. The Penguin was bullied as a child for his short stature, weight, and beak-like nose. Canadian-born Presidential candidate Ted Cruz, has great difficulty understanding how the Constitution works, frequently throwing tantrums on the Senate floor when he doesn’t get his way.
Psychologists link this behavior to a personality disorder brought on by abusive parents, bullying in childhood or worse, both. This makes Senator Cruz with his personality and mood issues a perfect fit for the Penguin role, and more interestingly, the President of the United States.