Shake Weight Gold Medalist Dies Of Heart Attack

Tragedy Strikes Olympian Shake Weight Gold Medalist.

Seattle, WA — USA Olympic Shake-Weight Gold Medalist, Tanya Holmes died of a heart attack during a practice.  Her coach, infamous bean-counting champion runner-up, James Bellamy was on scene during the tragedy and was the first responder to call 911.  The Planet Fitness Homes was sponsored by during the 2016 Olympics was crowded with EMTs and police officers as they removed Homes’ body from the locker room, where Holmes reportedly suffered a heart attack after a vigorous shake-weight session.

The Shake Weight is a modified dumbbell that oscillates, purportedly increasing the effects of exercise. As a result of the perceived sexually suggestive nature of the product, infomercial clips of the exercise device have gone viral. Ben Kunz is the inventor of Shake Weight and CEO of FitnessIQ. By August 2010, a reported two million Shake Weight units had been sold for a total of $40 million in sales.

“She was a true American hero,” Coach Bellamy said,  “A young girl with all the dreams in the world wins the gold medal for shake-weight.  We were just practicing some new moves for the next Olympic Challenge.  After practice she went to take a shower, like always.  Normally she doesn’t take very long, so after half an hour I tried to text her phone.  After no response, I waited another fifteen minutes before finally asking staff to let me into the locker room where we found her.  The Planet Fitness is going to let us hold the funeral service for [Homes] in the gym, and they are going to mark today as Tanya Holmes day for all Planet Fitness facilities, where all members get a free shake-weight in memorial, upon request.”

President Trump shared this tweet to the Holmes family.

The Holmes gamily is seeking recourse against the Shake Weight company for their loss, with talks of restitution totaling up to $10,000,000.  This would be an enormous blow to the Shake Weight company, plummeting them into financial oblivion.