Sheriff Admits to Dealing Heroin at Correctional Facility

39-year-old Joshua Hightower was found dead in his cell at approximately 5:40am
39-year-old Joshua Hightower was found dead in his cell at approximately 5:40am

Nevada County, CA — In an attempt to reduce his annual budget and increase revenue, Nevada County Sheriff Keith Royal has admitted to dealing heroin to inmates at the county Wayne Brown Correctional Facility. Inmates “bitch less, eat less, and don’t really care that their recreation hour has been eliminated,” according to a spokesperson for the Sheriff.  “This leaves more time for deputies to walk around the parking lot smoking and talking on their cell phones. Everyone is happy.”

Except the an inmate who overdosed last week.

39-year-old Joshua Hightower was found dead in his cell at approximately 5:40am. Inmates saw him in an “unnatural position” five or six hours prior. At midnight an inmate noticed his knees on the concrete floor and his head oddly angled on his cot, kinda like he was praying to Sheriff Royal or something. The inmate called his name and Hightower moaned a little. An hour later, in the same position, he didn’t moan. Inmates were unable to reach him until cells were opened in the early morning hours. And the deputies?  They were really busy walking around the parking lot smoking and playing Candy Crush on their mobile phones, a popular law enforcement pastime when allowing inmates to die in custody.

A week goes by and there is no public mention of a dead inmate because during that time, the department was focusing on covering up the overdose and trying to fake an investigation. Where, oh where could the heroin have come from? Hint: Check the Sheriff’s pockets.

Joshua Hightower was asking for a treatment program and he had been accepted to Drug Court because treatment works. And it also reduces revenue for the Sheriff who uses profits from the sale of heroin to fill the fuel tank of his new surveillance helicopter.

Sheriff Keith Royal reminds us that if you need a fix the best place to find one is at Wayne Brown—drugs are everywhere on the cell blocks.

1 Comment threads
1 Thread replies
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
2 Comment authors
Webmaster TimChristy Recent comment authors
newest oldest most voted
Notify of

who told you all of this?

Webmaster Tim

Infant baby Jesus. Not the Christmas Jesus, but the other one.