Soul Kitchen Closes, Saying Penn Valley Not a Good Fit

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Angel's Soul Food Kitchen lasted 24 hours in Penn Valley, CA.
Angel’s Soul Food Kitchen lasted 24 minutes in Penn Valley, CA.

Penn Valley, CA — Angel’s Soul Kitchen restaurant in Penn Valley is apparently dead on arrival. The newly opened ‘Soul Kitchen’ felt obliged to shut its doors after only 24 minutes of operation. There may be hope, however.

“This place promised ‘good old Southern food’. Well, I ain’t seen that on this menu,” said an angry Burton Jaeger of Smartsville, “I don’t even know what collard greens and offal is. It was damn good, though.” Pointing at his menu and the pictures on it, he continued, “that one there the one that looks like sausage? – it’s more like that chorizo thing them Mexicans tricked me into eating once. These guys ain’t Mexicans, but still, damn thing is hot. Is biscuits and gravy that difficult? Can I just get a rasher of bacon…or some hash browns? Their stuff was really good and all, it was just, I don’t know, something was weird about the place.”

His wife did comment that the ‘Cassava and Sorghum Scramble’ was really good. She added, “especially when I put the okra paste on.” Burton explained to her that she was missing the point.

Demetrious Martin, co-owner of the Soul Kitchen, had a bit more to say about it.

“That realtor told us that Penn Valley is a booming location with lots of ‘true’ southern tastes. These MFers want some Denny’s-ass breakfast crap. The only good customers in the half hour we were open were that group from Nevada City. They loved it and said they will be back.”

He alleges the realtor may have been misleading in her sales pitch, the pitch that sold him on opening a soul food restaurant in Penn Valley.

Shanequa, co-owner of the Soul Kitchen received no tips from the Penn Valley customers.
Angel, co-owner of the Soul Kitchen received no tips from the satisfied Penn Valley customers.

“That bitch straight up lied, bro. She said Penn Valley would be perfect for our down-home southern cooking. But, truth be told, Angel [the waitress and co-owner] got no tips, and really seemed to draw a lot of dirty looks from the locals.” He added, “Perfect place my ass. Twenty satisfied customers and not a single tip? Whatever. I’m gonna paint the windows with the confederate flag tomorrow and reopen. Sales will probably go through the roof.”

He stared wistfully out the window and spoke quietly. “Megan and Britney will start as waitresses tomorrow. I think their presence may help our presence in this town. They have that Penn Valley look.”

All of the customers at the restaurant that day reportedly loved all of the items on the menu but just thought something was ‘weird’ about the whole thing.

Says one very satisfied customer, “I won’t be coming back. Angel was very polite, and she served me some of the best food I think I’ve ever had, and with a smile. The ‘Watermellin Chicken’ was terrific, as was the livermush. That said, I don’t know. I don’t think this kind of environment makes a good fit for Penn Valley. I loved the hush-puppies.”

Demetrious has since renamed the Soul Kitchen to ‘Ranch Kitchen’ and has already booked 75 reservations for tomorrow’s Grand re-Opening.

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LuvMolly Sis of Max the GalootMCHighway 69TheDirtmover Recent comment authors
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LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
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LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

I’m thinking soul food and Penn Valley folk aren’t synonymous. I hung out there when I was younger. Soul food wasn’t on our radar. LOL

Highway 69
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Highway 69

Are you visiting us again after all this time?
I hope you stick around and share some stories…
Like, “Where have you been?”

(Oh, you wouldn’t recognize Penn Valley! Most of the streets have been paved, they opened up a Piggly Wiggly, and a Taco Bell)

LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
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LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

I’m still here or there. Oh wait…where am I? Geez, 1 beer and I forgot. LOL

Taco Bell? The best late night food after party night. We used to go to Denny’s in Grass Valley for grub. That’s when I first discovered fries dunked in ranch dressing. I’ve been a fallen woman ever since!

Highway 69
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Highway 69

Haha!

TheDirtmover
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TheDirtmover

They tagged “penntucky” on our little cow town a while back. That calls for a “roadkill grill”.
Just not enough “soul folk” around these here parts.

Highway 69
Guest
Highway 69

I wish Mr. Martin well. Maybe he should try up here on the Ridge.
We need diversity — heck, we just need another place to eat! Getting takeout from the Sierra Super Stop gets old.

TheDirtmover
Guest
TheDirtmover

Hay Bro!,,, Let’s open a BBQ pit. “You kill it, we grill it”. (half price on confirmed terrorists. Those we will feed to the local dog population)

Highway 69
Guest
Highway 69

Cool!
I need to clean out my freezers anyway…
I got some weird carcass in one that I can’t remember what it was. I bet it probably would make a good pulled meat sandwich. I have some fava beans. You bring the chianti — or moonshine.
(Btw, can I borrow your chipper?)

LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
Guest
LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

Weird carcass, fava beans and moonshine? I’ll bring the wings and beer. We’ll mix it up!:)

Highway 69
Guest
Highway 69

Firing up the Q!

LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
Guest
LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

Mine’s fired! Q’ing a small farm animal to go along with the light beer.

Where’s the beef?

Highway 69
Guest
Highway 69

Beef?
Keep drinking… this meat might will taste like beef chicken.

LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
Guest
LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

I’m drinkin’! I’m drinkin’! I eat so much chicken I’m quacking these days. Saturday is beef day and I’m enjoying every single damned bite! It was a choice between a rib eye steak or a dinky tri tip roast. I went for the tri tip tonight.

MC
Guest
MC

Do that and I just might hop on the next flight from Ohio and join you. How have you been?

LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
Guest
LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

Hey MC! I’m good. Maybe a little over-beered at the moment but I can still type. Listening to the Dem debate. A wild Saturday night for me!

MC
Guest
MC

And here I’m drinking a Diet Pepsi. Maybe if the better half goes to bed early I’ll have a cold one.

LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
Guest
LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

Whatsa matta? Can’t have a cold one in front of the better half?

MC
Guest
MC

She’s on a wine kick and we had a glass earlier. She gets mad when I mix.

LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
Guest
LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

Just one glass? Mixing is the spice of life!

MC
Guest
MC

I’m game I’ll eat anything that runs, swims, or will fly. How are you?

Highway 69
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Highway 69

Just enjoying the night, eating some mystery-meat kabobs (oh! actually I think it’s possum, cuz @The Dirtmover brought it) and watching fireflies.

LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot
Guest
LuvMolly Sis of Max the Galoot

Seriously, you’re eating possum? I’m watching the Dem debate, or rather listening to it. Sheesh…