Nevada City, CA — Nevada City grocery store SPD announced late Friday night that it would be offering wearable placards for its customers that instruct others to “leave them alone” while shopping. Many patrons can’t seem to get in and out of the popular grocery store in a timely manner due to bumping into friends and family.
“We all know SPD is the best,” said frequent SPD shopper Emma Walker in the parking lot, “but it’s very difficult to do a quick shopping run because you’re always running into someone you know. You get there. Grab a cart. Then you bump into a friend. The next thing you know, you’ve chatted for 30 minutes and your ice cream is starting to melt. So these new signs will be a god-send.”
According to insiders, the management decided to offer the signs after they received an anonymous tip about excessive “milling” in the store.
“We received this anonymous tip from a shopper and we thought, ‘that’s a great idea’,” said General Manager Fred Lippincott. “When customers come into the store, they grab a cart, and they have the option to wear this sign around their neck to speed their shopping experience. It’s a win-win.”
If this new program is a success, the popular grocery store will expand the signs to their Grass Valley location. There is also talk about adding additional signs to speed the check-out process that read “No Thanks, I Don’t Need Any Cash Back.”
Gish Gallop contacted the Briar Patch to see if they plan on introducing similar placards for their customers, but management said that they will do the opposite by giving store employees wearable signs that read “Yes, This is Local and Organic” and “Please Don’t Eat Out of the Bins” and other similar ‘Patch-appropriate’ aphorisms. Safeway didn’t return Gish Gallop’s calls.