Spongebob Squarepants Homeless After Coral Reef Bleached

Spongebob Squarepants is homeless.
Spongebob Squarepants is homeless.

Caribbean Sea — Television personality SpongeBob Squarepants is now homeless after the coral reef he lived on has been bleached. Coral reef bleaching happens when the water temperature gets too warm and acidic, causing the coral to die and turn white. The entire cast has been uprooted from their homes suffering from bleaching, the only structure left standing is the Krusty Krabb Restaurant. Mr. Krabbs has began charging the displaced residents for sitting in his restaurant.

“I cannot believe that fat ass crustacean is charging us,” said Squidward Tentacles. “After all the years of buying the nasty crap he puts out, I am going to give out the special recipe!”

According to Nickelodeon, the show will be made to bring environmental awareness to viewers. They will introduce a new character, a sea slug named Al Slime, voiced by former Vice President and climate activist Al Gore.

“This will be a great opportunity to make mon…. er more people aware of what is happening to our climate,” said Gore. “We will make the show more kid friendly to teach kids what happens when people ignore the climate change by scaring the bejesus out of them.”

SpongeBob has relocated from his coral home to a discarded can of Budweiser. He will still continue to do the show from the can.

“This is what it has come to, living in a can eating plankton,” said a sad SpongeBob. “I might just float up to the top and dry out, it would be better than listening to Al Gore talk.”

In another tragic event, nobody has seen Squidward since threatening to give out the secret Krabby Patty recipe.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.
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