Spontaneous Flash Mob Breaks Out in Grocery Outlet

Grocery Outlet, Grass Valley
Grocery Outlet, Grass Valley

Grass Valley, CA — In a rare, but not unprecedented event, a flash mob spontaneously broke out late Wednesday afternoon inside of the Grass Valley, CA Grocery Outlet grocery store. Patrons both inside and out joined in the free-for-all melee and danced with mad abandon.

“This hasn’t happened in almost 6 years,” commented Grocery Outlet general manager Robert Forester. “It’s a clear sign that the economy is picking up and people are happier. And although this creates a bit of temporary havoc inside the store, ultimately it’s a great business driver.”

According to employee eyewitnesses, seconds after the Village People’s 1978 smash hit “Macho Man” emerged from the PA speakers, the store erupted into dance.

“It was not like the YouTube videos, you know,” said somewhat disheveled cashier Scott A. “Like, in the train stations where it was obviously all planned beforehand. This was more like, I dunno, a Grateful Dead show. Everyone was just doing their thing.”

Some of the patrons exiting the store described what went on inside during the 3-minute, 33-second flash mob.

“I honestly do not know what came over me,” said an out-of-breath Beth Feingold of Grass Valley. “It was kind of a blur. All I remember is that I was comparing tomato paste cans and then Macho Man came on. Next thing I knew I was totally shaking it and throwing the cans over the frozen foods to this guy I didn’t know.”

“I was buying my coffee at the back of the store for a friend of mine,” said Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge, “and you have to understand I’m not a dancer. Anyhow, that song came on, I got kinda dizzy and started dancing with this totally strange man who got hit in the head with a can of tomato paste. It was so weird.”

Surprisingly, as soon as the song ended, the entire store went back to shopping as if nothing happened.

“Yeah, that’s always how it is at Grocery Outlet,” cashier Scott A. continued. “They just stop dancing after the music stops, clean-up whatever messes they created, and then go about their shopping.”

According to Mr. Forester, the Grocery Outlet HR employee manual strictly prohibits employees from engaging in flash mobs.

“Look, we know the music is awesome at Grocery Outlet. Sometimes these mobs break out and there’s not much we can do about it,” continued Mr. Forester. “But it’s really important that our hard-working staff stay professional at all times. I mean, it’s in the manual so there’s not a whole lot of wiggle room.”

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javier Reagan

What a crime
What a crock of shit