State of Jefferson Announces Innovative Fundraising Plan

Because the State of Jefferson would have no environmental regulations, it would be possible to pump the water to wash cars directly out of the Yuba and Bear Rivers
Because the State of Jefferson would have no environmental regulations, it would be possible to pump the water to wash cars directly out of the Yuba and Bear Rivers

Garcia said, “right now its pretty clear that those rich Bay Area communities are subsidizing us out here in the country.  That actually would continue under our proposal, as we expect most of our car wash customers would be those same rich city people driving back and forth to Tahoe.  We’ve all seen those filthy dirty fancy Mercedes with San Francisco plates headed back on I-80 to San Francisco.  We plan to set up car washes along the way and charge them as they drive back.”  Garcia said that he expected the first car wash to be set up in the Donner Summit area, allowing the car occupants to take a break and even dine at the very popular Donner Party Family Buffet located nearby.

Freedle chimed in that now that the drought was over, this plan made even more sense.  She noted that because the State of Jefferson would have no environmental regulations, it would be possible to pump the water to wash cars directly out of the Yuba and Bear Rivers, which would eliminate the costs of water utility bills.  The soapy discharge could flow back into the rivers without fear of repercussion from the nonexistent state environmental authorities. Freedle said, “What do we have here that the Bay Area doesn’t have?  Water!  Its our natural resource just waiting for us to exploit in the glorious new State of Jefferson.”

Garcia suggested that the area homeless could be employed to help wash cars, noting, “They’re out in the elements anyway, as they won’t have anywhere in Jefferson to get out of the weather.  At least in the State of Jefferson they’ll be working.”

He concluded his remarks by saying that car washes would be only the first of a number of fundraising ideas that Jefferson leaders would utilize, noting that Jefferson residents could expect bake sales in many locations, also catering to the rich tastes of city travelers. He then passed out pieces of a fruitcake with nuts to the audience as an example of what the State of Jefferson would offer to its citizens.

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