Atlantic City, NJ — Officials in Atlantic City are very tight lipped today in regards to a human trafficking bust that took place on the street outside of the Trump Taj Mahal hotel and casino. Probably the main reason things are so subdued, rock icon, Sting was netted in the Sting. You heard that correctly.
“Sting is in town to do seven shows on this Labor Day weekend,” said police information specialist, Carmen Triola. “It has been a mad house around here. Labor Day is always a big time in AC, but this year is booming. We have so many people here and that really lends itself to the nightmare of human trafficking. We just don’t have the staff to keep up with the huge demand on the streets.”
“We are still trying to sort this all out,” said police captain, Joseph Spagnolo. “We didn’t expect to be taking a huge celebrity into custody in this bust. Some things you just can’t prepare for. We have also had some glitches in our traffic flow system that have really led to what amounts to a huge mess.”
Gish Gallop reporter, Loretta Splitair , on assignment to cover the Sting concerts, asked captain Spagnolo why things were so chaotic and how in the hell is Sting involved in all of this.
“Well, in response to the second part of your question,” began Spagnolo, “apparently the concert hall was practically empty when Mr. Sting took the stage last evening. He was not happy. When he inquired as to where all of his adoring fans were hiding, someone told him that they were congregated outside, across the street. The people couldn’t get to the show because the lights wouldn’t change allowing them to cross the street to the casino. Mr. Sting proceeded to the front entrance and walked right out onto Boardwalk and stopped the cars. It was a very dangerous and illegal thing to do. Then, he held the vehicles as he trafficked the people across the street to the casino. The first part of your question I will defer to our traffic safety officer, Roxanne Scipriani.”
“We received an overload to our traffic system circuits and all of our signal lights were stuck on green,” began Ms. Scipriani. “It created quite a snarl as everyone had a green light and they were trying to use it. As we were investigating the snafu, Mr Sting was harassing me repeatedly because his show was late starting. When we took Mr. Sting into custody, he just kept screaming ‘Roxanne, you just have to put on the red light’. We are hoping for a better outcome this evening.