Silver Spring, MD — The National Weather Service (NWS) is in collusion with Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. to hype bad weather reports in order to increase emergency supply sales, according to an anonymous tip from someone high at Wal-Mart.
Pundits are already calling this “StormGate”, in what is certain to become a national scandal.
According to a source, who refuses to be identified for fear of bad weather reprisals, NWS forecasters have agreed to exaggerate weather reports and issue unnecessary extreme storm warnings to send people to their local Wal-Mart for supplies. In turn, Wal-Mart has agreed to give a 15% discount to NWS employees for Christmas.
Emails released under the Freedom of Information Act show that the NWS has spent $140,000,000 to set up a sales page on its website to send viewers to the Walmart’s website to purchase essential items, such items as batteries, flashlights, rice, toilet paper, action figures, various Nabisco cookies, microwave ovens, and, this week only, a special discount on guns and ammo. [Editors note: apparently Wal-Mart has temporarily lifted the moratorium on ammunition in order to capitalize on what insiders call “Weather Fear”.)
News of the arrangement has created a storm at Kmart. Ethan Williams, manager of the Grass Valley Kmart, calls the secret government-corporate arrangement a form of fascism, and says it gives unfair advantage to the retail giant.
“How is a small store like Kmart going to compete with mega-stores like Wal-Mart”, Williams complained. This will put the little guy out of business.
Williams added that Kmart would have given the NWS a sweeter deal, including a 17% discount and a special sales display of weather radios.
Meanwhile, local area residents are broke from spending money on unnecessary emergency supplies, making Christmas shopping that much more difficult for cash strapped shoppers, leading local commerce forecasters to predict a spend drought this Christmas season.