Palo Alto, CA — A 14-month study conducted by NASA in cooperation with the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that exposure to Chemtrails over time impacts one’s ability to spell and construct a coherent argument.
The study, which was commissioned by the Environmental Protection Agency with a grant it received from the Ford and Gates Foundations, concluded that even with spell-checking and modern auto-correct features installed on modern devices, people who have been exposed to Chemtrails have a spelling error rate of almost 47.4% per 100 words compared to the normal population’s 7.67% error rate.
“The data doesn’t lie,” said Rundex’s Robert Colvin in a Gish Gallop telephone interview from his Mountain View, CA home office. “Our population sample was taken from people around the Redding, CA area, which is known by many to be ground-zero for Chemtrail operations. And then we tracked their posts on Facebook and Twitter and a couple of other social media platforms. So in a nutshell, the more Chemtrail exposure a subject has been exposed to, the more spelling errors they make.”
According to the 474-page study, which had a sample size of over 720 participants and standard deviation of .45, not only do chemtrail victims suffer from chronic spelling issue, they often seem confused when generating a sensible argument.
“Well. that’s the thing,” continued Mr. Colvin. “It was hard enough for us to decipher their spelling errors, but when our team got past that, frankly we had no idea what they were trying to say. Take for example this post from Facebook:”
I was going to leave this group full of flourided adicted sleping blind peoples. But first i want to post this post. Its well documentered from oreginale documents and YES chemtrails do exist! And its bad for ouer health.
“Now we have no idea what any of this means,” continued Mr. Colvin, “but clearly the spraying has caused what we are now calling a ‘chemtrail stroke” whereby the victims are literally confused about what they are saying. They often combine different conspiracies into one in a kind of confused, frankly insane rant.”
A spokesperson for the Gates Foundation dismissed the findings saying the conclusions are probably due to poorly implemented software and that there is no Chemtrail conspiracy.