Palo Alto, CA — According to the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation, the Centers for Disease Control has fallen to third place in Internet citations. The 2 year study, which was commissioned by a grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, found that the CDC is now behind YouTube, which is second place, and NaturalNews.com which now occupies the coveted number one Internet citation spot.
“Well to be perfectly honest,” said Rundex lead researcher Robert Colvin, “we thought this was plain silly. You know, another Internet myth. Like, ‘Every time you masturbate a kitten dies’ kind of stuff. A joke really. But then the Gates Foundation contacted us and asked us to dig into the ‘Big Data’ and we did. And sure enough, the great majority of Internet citations are coming from NaturalNews.com and YouTube. It’s kinda disturbing.”
NaturalNews.com is a website for the sale of various dietary supplements, promotion of alternative medicine, controversial nutrition and health claims, and various conspiracy theories, such as “chemtrails”, chemophobic claims (including the purported dangers of fluoride in drinking water, anti-perspirants, laundry detergent, monosodium glutamate and aspartame), and purported health problems caused by allegedly “toxic” ingredients in vaccines, including the now-discredited link to autism, according to Wikipedia.
The site’s founder, Michael Allen “Mike” Adams is an AIDS denialist, a 9/11 truther, a birther, and has endorsed conspiracy theories surrounding the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. He is also a horrendous dick.
“The data doesn’t lie here,” continued Mr. Colvin. “Obviously this is very disturbing, but sadly not surprising. I’m not the guy to comment on the data. I just present it. But it bothers me.
According University of Chicago Professor of Sociology James Badwater, it’s no secret what’s going on.
“Well, it’s too bad Emile Durkheim isn’t alive to see the Internet,” said Professor Badwater from his office. “He would have marveled about how it has driven more specialization, and its corollary, the reactionary and frankly conspiratorial generalist we see backing up their claims with crank websites and YouTube Videos. These people have been left out, whether by choice or by circumstance, of the benefits of rational society, even though they benefit greatly from it.”
As Mr. Colvin, he thinks people just need to use more basic critical thinking.
“Yeah, this data is certainly disheartening,” continued Mr. Colvin, “but it’s not hard to recover from something like this. All you have to do is ask for evidence and how that evidence was obtained. And make sure it’s a primary citation. Not a citation of a citation on some obscure website.”