Study: Numerous Steve Jobs Films Show Americans’ Love of Rich Assholes

Various rich assholes you love who want you to buy their crap.
Various rich assholes you love who want you to buy their crap.

Palo Alto, CAThe Rundex Family Foundation of Palo Alto, CA published the findings of its 2-year study on why Americans are fascinated with billionaire CEOs. The study, internally called “Operation Baron: Why Americans Love Billionaire Assholes,” was published this week to little notice by both the mainstream press and public. Rundex’s Robert Colvin, who led the $3.2 million dollar study sponsored by liberal think tank “Progress America” said there are no surprises in the findings.

“It’s pretty clear from the data that Americans love rich assholes who have no concern for them,” said Mr. Colvin in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “We love rich people and we love those who are horrible people. We especially love wealthy and powerful CEOs for some reason. Although I don’t like to draw conclusions, as I’m just the ‘data’ guy, but if I had to guess, I’d say people like to imagine themselves as making enough money so they could just tell the world to ‘kiss their asses.'”

The latest Steve Jobs movie, cryptically called Steve Jobs, is the third such Hollywood biopic featuring the megalomanical personality of the deceased Apple CEO. The most recent Steve Jobs iteration is set backstage at three iconic product launches and ending in 1998 with the unveiling of the iMac, Steve Jobs takes us behind the scenes of the digital revolution to paint a portrait of the man at its epicenter and America’s most recognizable asshole.

Academics across the country seized on the study as proof of America’s obsession with being assholes, or at least idolizing them.

“Why don’t they just make films about the Walton family or the guy who started State Farm insurance,” said Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago. “Or Andrew Carnegie or glorify the bigotry of Henry Ford? It’s like Steinbeck said; that everyone just thinks of themselves as a temporarily embarrassed capitalist and not a worker.”

According to Mr. Colvin, the study surveyed over 4000 thousand Americans and had a margin of error of +/- 2.4% with a standard deviation of .5 σ.

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