Miami Gardens, FLA flurry of paid advertisements expected to enhance corporate revenue exponentially today were upended and potentially blocked as a game of American football crept upon the television screens of unsuspecting assholes.

“I didn’t root for either team. Hell, I don’t know anyone on either,” said Kent, Washington resident, and asshole Joshua Hilburn. “I just wanted some good, old-fashioned American entertainment in the form of corporate advertising. It’s what I live for.”

According to media critics, it’s corporate America that wins the Super Bowl every year.

“Well, that’s the thing,” said Professor James Badwater of the Badwater Institute for Media and Consumption. “Americans love their corporations. Their clothes are covered with company logos and slogans. so it’s no surprise that most are watching the Super Bowl for the advertisements.”

Many of the millions of Super Bowl viewers were brought to tears by several ads.


“I never knew an insurance company could be so caring and so heartfelt,” said Amy Gibblet of Omaha, Nebraska. “They talked about the four kinds of love. Love. That’s what insurance is all about. I mean, I have over $100,000 of unpaid medical bills that Blue Shield refuses to pay, but now I know they value love above all.”

“While the media market is considerably evolving, the Super Bowl remains the best way to reach as many people as possible at once and get them to buy stuff they neither want nor need,” Carol Kants told Advertising Weekly on Friday. “It’s not just about viewers. It’s about engagement. And getting them to laugh at things like genocide and cars.”

One example is Facebook, which featured and starred Chris Rock and Sylvester Stallone in an attempt to overcome the company’s dubious past of siding with Vladimir Putin and selling its 2 billion+ users’ data to a firm that President Trump used to get elected. The spot, created by agency Wieden + Kennedy, comes as the tech company has been attempting to rebuild consumer trust after a spate of controversies in recent years and not look like total assholes.

According to officials at the National Football League, the 100+-year-old organization is considering just showing commercials next year and not even holding a football game.