Sacramento/North San Juan, CA — In response to requests by Governor Brown for Federal assistance in helping California deal with its drought emergency, Surgeon General Boris Lushniak issued a twelve page recommendation that California residents, “Drink their urine.”
Urine therapy proponents cheer the suggestion, and say this may not only help reduce water demands, but will improve overall health and vitality.
“Finally. Someone gets it,” said Thomas Kevlin of North San Juan. “It’s one of the best things you can do for your body and skin. And now it’s helping the drought. Win. Win.”
The Sierra Club estimates that replacing water with urine can save an estimated 144 million gallons of water daily, and claims that many of its members already drink their urine on long hikes to avoid lugging canteens.
Meanwhile in Iowa, cattle farmers have offered help to California’s thirsty residents. Melvin Pickwell,of the Midwest Cattle Association has developed an external bladder that can be attached to the rear end of cows to collect their urine, which is later distilled to create pure drinking water.
“It’s been in development for 14 years and waiting for a crisis just like this,” said a proud Mr. Pickwell. “Now I can be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. I hope to get my Midwest urine to market within 2 weeks.”
Whole Foods stores has also jumped in to the drought rescue, offering gourmet imported urine from Switzerland and Norway, known for their clean waters and fresh urine.
Colorado and Washington State residents have offered “weed” urine, collecting the vital fluid from patrons of cannibis bars. The drink is advertised to leave you “high, not dry”.