Tax Firm To Offer Free Porn While You Wait

Simon Tax Specialists of Chicago plans on offering free porn to its clients.
Simon Tax Specialists of Chicago plans on offering free porn to its clients.

Chicago, Il — Tax season is always a cause of stress for many Americans. Giving up their hard-earned money to the government makes most people angry. But one tax preparation firm has a solution to ease your mind during that stressful time.

Simon Tax Specialists has come up with a perfect program for those of us that suffer during tax season. Simon is now offering free porn while you wait for your taxes to be completed. Taking a page from local sex shops, Simon has installed 20 private viewing booths inside of their Chicago office. All of the booths have a direct link to multiple online porn websites.

Lance Bilberg, the manager of the Simon office in Chicago, spoke to Gish Gallop about their new program.

“It’s been a big hit, we have really had a decrease in disagreements and have seen a noticeable difference in stress in our customers,”  said Bilberg. “It can be a little difficult at times to work when you hear a woman screaming ‘[email protected]#$ me harder’ every few minutes.”

Simon has had a record-breaking year since the implementation of the porn booths. Sales are up nearly 300% over last year.

Not all customers are happy about the new program, Nancy Pelody gave her opinion to Gish Gallop.

“It is disgusting, my husband has had our taxes done 7 times this month,” exclaimed  Pelody. “At this rate, we won’t owe the IRS for the rest of our lives, real men don’t need porn.”

In order to appease the local community, Simon has offered a free porn open house once per month.  The second Saturday every month Simon opens its doors to the community offering free booth visits along with free refreshments.

“We are a hit!” said Bilberg.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.