Ted Cruz To Run For Mayor Of Mcdonaldland

Former Presidential Candidate and Texas Senator Ted Cruz is running for Mayor of McDonaldand.
Former Presidential Candidate and Texas Senator Ted Cruz is running for Mayor of McDonaldand.

McDonaldland — Senator Ted Cruz has announced his intention to run for Mayor of McDonaldland. After dropping out of the Republican Presidential Nomination Race, Cruz is anxious to get back in the limelight.

Mayor McCheese, the current incumbent did not seem worried at all.

“Ted Cruz stands no chance, no chance at all”, The Mayor told Gish Gallop. “I’m going to make McDonaldland great again. No more GMOs in the burgers, just wholesome grade A beef, under my Mayorship we will be great again”.

Mayor McCheese’s campaign manager Grimace, was caught embezzling money from the campaign donations. The scandal has rocked the campaign, but the Mayor was adamant that it would not affect his campaigning schedule.

Ted Cruz has come out swinging in his first statement about the race with McCheese. “McCheese has stood by and done nothing while Mcdonaldland has fallen from its once great height,” commented Cruz. “Unemployment and crime are at an all time high. I vow to bring the Hamburgler to justice and to bring jobs back to our home so our families can grow together.”

McCheese hit back on the issue, saying Cruz was for more automated order systems.

We will keep you updated on the Mayoral race as it develops.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.