Teenager Informs Family that it is Time to Leave

Teenager Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley needs to get cell service or he'll die.
Teenager Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley needs to get cell service or he’ll die.

Little Town of Washington, CA — 15-year-old Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley abruptly informed his family at 12:36pm this past weekend that he “was ready to go home” from their outing at the South Yuba River.

The Thomas family was down on the South Fork approximately 5 miles past the little town of Washington, CA swimming in the Yuba River, gold panning and hunting for quartz rocks when Kevin Thomas made his announcement.

“Yeah. I was bored. And hot in all. I wanted to go home. Besides, Mom only made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I hate those.

According to witnesses at the scene, Kevin’s Father Craig Thomas immediately jumped to the family’s rescue and told him to “go sit in the car if he didn’t want to participate.”

Gish Gallop interviewed some other river dwellers for their take on the incident.

Life is perfect on the South Yuba River. Unless you're 15 year old teenage boy with no mobile service.
Life is perfect on the South Yuba River. Unless you’re 15 year old teenage boy with no mobile service.

“They seemed like they were having a great time jumping off the rocks and panning,” said local Washington resident Beth Hilsborough sipping her Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. “But he’s a teenage boy. Awkward in all. Nice kid.”

“I don’t think he every got into the water,” said local Joe Billings, “but after his pronouncement, he just kinda sat on the picnic bench and sulked,” continued coughing Mr. Billings as he re-lit a marijuana cigarette.

According to Mr. Thomas, this is just part of the growing experience for a young man.

“Hey, I was there too. He wanted to go home and hide in his filthy room. But not today. We’re gonna have fun, even if it kills him,” continued Mr. Thomas.

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