Tom Cruise Leaves Scientology

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Tom Cruise is leaving Scientology.

Riverside, CA — L. Ron Hubbard founded the Church of Scientology to bridge Eastern Spirituality with Western thinking. It has become a haven for celebrities like John Travolta and Tom Cruise. The Church has also become a very well-funded entity from its celebrity members, though many do not feel that it is a true religion. The IRS has recently revoked Scientology’s tax exempt status.

Tom Cruise is perhaps the Church’s most famous member and for the church to lose him is a major blow, as the infamous organization is not only losing the face of its fundraising efforts, but a large amount of funding as well.

In an interview yesterday, Gish Gallop asked Tom Cruise why now he chose to leave the Church?

“Well, without the tax breaks it is just not worth it anymore,” Mr. Cruise said. “I never believed that crap. It was just a substantial tax haven for me. Those guys are insane believing that crap.”

When asked about his plans, Mr. Cruise said, “I’m thinking of becoming a Mormon, I like the idea of special underwear.”

Both Churches declined to comment.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.