Toyota Signs 10-Year Sponsorship Deal with the Islamic State

The Toyota Motor Company signed an exclusive 10-year deal with the terrorist Group ISIS.
The Toyota Motor Company signed an exclusive 10-year deal with the terrorist Group ISIS.

Toyota, Aichi, Japan – On Monday, the Toyota Motor Corporation reportedly struck a 10-year sponsorship deal with the Islamic State (ISIS,ISIL), aligning themselves alongside the world’s leading global terrorist organization. The deal—the first of its kind between an auto manufacturer and a global terrorist network, will likely mean that the Islamic State will continue to exclusively utilize Toyota trucks in fulfilling its mission of global jihad for the foreseeable future.

“Usually when people talk about sponsorships, they are focused on how much it costsand where the marketing merits are. But we decided to take on this deal because we wanted to pay back an overlooked part of society that has helped us grow as a company,” said Toyota President, Aikoi Toyotoy.

Nissan Motor Company executives tried unsuccessfully last year to sway ISIS leaders to loosen Toyota’s vice like grip on the terror market. Toyota, whose cash and marketing securities have swelled to ¥4.46 trillion ($36.78 billion) as of the end of 2015, will allegedly become one of three Japanese companies acting as top-tier terror sponsors.

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“For Toyota, which sells its vehicles in more than 170 countries, sponsoring a major terrorist organization makes perfect sense because it matches its international customer profile,” said Nigel Kerry, a sponsorship consultant based in London.

“They don’t need the awareness, they don’t need the exposure. They are making a statement. They are saying we are the biggest brand in the world!” Kerry said.

Also for Toyota, this will be a chance to showcase its trucks and SUV’s capabilities in carrying out dangerous terror missions. The heavily modified Toyota Land Cruisers will not only be used in transporting ISIS soldiers to key strategic battle locations, but will also engage in combat. The new Land Cruisers are fitted with the latest surface to air missile mounts, making it easier than ever for ISIS militants to hit their targets with confidence.

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Abu Ahmid al-Alwani, a top ISIS commander, praised Toyota’s sponsorship and hopes the alliance brings much death and destruction to the Middle East and beyond. “May our swords of fire and death rape and kill the infidels. Allahu Akbar!” al-Alwani said in a brief statement.

No word yet on how Toyota’s merger with ISIS will affect sales in the United States and Europe.

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vsdgrandma
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vsdgrandma

This has to be a satire!!!

Roger Dvorak
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Roger Dvorak

Hey, I own a Toyota Landcruiser. They go anyplace and don’t break down. I guess that’s why ISIS likes them. Do you see any Chevy’s or Ford’s over there? We need to get rid of ISIS but I hate to see a Landcruiser blown up.

vsdgrandma
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vsdgrandma

This has to be a satire!!!

Roger Dvorak
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Roger Dvorak

Hey, I own a Toyota Landcruiser. They go anyplace and don’t break down. I guess that’s why ISIS likes them. Do you see any Chevy’s or Ford’s over there? We need to get rid of ISIS but I hate to see a Landcruiser blown up.

Seth Williams
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Seth Williams

You gis do realize this is a satire site right? Lol