Trump Attacked in Lake Tahoe Bathroom

Trump deflated after his hair cut off in a vicious attack.
Mr. Trump seen here in the Montbleu Resort lobby after his hair cut off in a vicious attack.

South Lake Tahoe, NV –– While campaigning on Lake Tahoe’s South shore this week, Donald Trump, the  Republican Presidential nominee was found in his Montbleu Resort hotel bathroom late last night by hotel bellman, Thomas Thome covered in ice. His head was shaved completely bald.

“It was horrible seeing such a powerful man just helpless, ” Mr. Thome spoke of the incident to Gish Gallop. “His hair shaved, his will to fight taken.”

Police are following leads, but have no solid suspect this far. Mr. Trump was hit in the back of the head upon returning to his room from dinner. The assailant was inappropriately described by Mr. Trump as being very Brooklyn “jewy” looking with glasses.

Mr. Trump’s campaign manager, Tim Rhodes had this to say.

“The Donald just is not the same, it is like the wind has been taken from his sail. He just walks around in a daze, rubbing his head and mumbling about ‘socialists’.”

In what appears to be an unrelated announcement, the Hillary Clinton campaign has released her location last night which was in South Carolina attending a United Workers of America rally.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.