Coos Bay, OR — President Trump today quietly signed an executive order banning all offshore logging along the United States’ West Coast. The Executive Order spared Alaska after heavy lobbying by former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.
“Preventing fires like that of the Deepwater Horizon disaster are very important,” said Trump commenting on the executive order. “I think owls know what I’m saying. Dead trees everywhere prevent us from harvesting the fuel underneath. That fuel can create much-needed jobs. In the ocean, which is where the water is.”
It’s unclear exactly what this latest order is about, since logging occurs on land and not at sea. However the President’s supporters took to cable news to defend his actions.
“You know I don’t always approve of everything the President says, but I usually do with what he does,” said former Senator Rick Santorum appearing on CNN’s AC 360. “Like most things the President says, people don’t know what he really means. In this case, he’s really talking about opening the waters to more oil drilling. But he had to make it sound like it was a pro-environmental thing to get them on board.”
The order, which calls for the immediate halt to offshore logging efforts in the three western States, also called for construction of 15 oil rigs to boost America’s energy independence. This action is expected to create as many as 420 new jobs, although even the President’s supporters admit that it will cut somewhere between 30,000 and 50,000 timber jobs.