Atlanta, GA — Just weeks after the election, President Elect Trump made an important yet unpopular addition to his cabinet. President-elect Donald Trump has announced that Cthulhu, the gigantic, wholly evil entity worshipped by cultists and who conducts human sacrifices, will be his pick for Secretary of State.
“Cthulhu will make a great addition, great, how many world leaders are going to argue with him,” said Trump about one of the “Great Old Ones.”
No one is more surprised than Mitt Romney, who was considered a shoe-in for the position. Romney had a number of meetings with President elect Trump and already had people calling him “Mr. Secretary.”
“I cannot believe this bullshit! First I get snubbed by that idiot Bush, now Trump,” exclaimed Romney. “Am I being punk’d? Now Trump wants me to be an ambassador to Libya, look what happened to the last guy.”
Cthulhu has accepted the prestigious position though he is under orders not to eat anyone while in office. When asked about foreign experience Cthulhu gave a compelling resume.
“I have been dealing with high-profile Gods and Goddesses for thousands of years, keeping their egos in check,” said Cthulhu. “I have been very hands on when dealing with foreign navies, especially the Spanish, they taste… I mean they have worked with me the most.”
This is Trump’s most questionable appointment since choosing Bert DeVos as Secretary of Education, but she has at least one thing in common with Cthulhu, they both love children.