Fort Worth, TX. — At a campaign rally in Fort Worth, Donald Trump and Chris Christie pandered to an enormous Texas crowd. Both men spent a great deal of time speaking straight to the heart of the concerns of the Texas GOP voters.
“Illegal immigration is the great scourge of the 21st century,” shouted Governor Christie to the attending throng of border dwellers. “Our economy, job security, and national security are being eroded at breakneck speed due to illegal immigration.” The crowd booed and hissed. “We must build the Trump wall to keep the brown-eyed devils in their own countries.”
The Texas horde cheered and danced with delight.
“Our Second Amendment right to bear arms is being attacked at every turn by the liberal left,” cried Mr. Christie to even louder boos. “Thomas Jefferson said, ‘What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned, from time to time, that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms.’ Each one of us has the inalienable right to protect and defend ourselves, whether it be from criminals, illegal intruders, the government, or the brown-eyed devils.” The crowd was whipped into a frenzy as the Donald took the mic.
“When our European ancestors came to this country and vanquished the savage natives, they penned a document called the U.S. Constitution. This document was written expressly by and for those of us of Anglo-Saxon descent, to make sure that our way of life is preserved,” trumpeted Trump to the rowdy and pasty crowd. “We must preserve the intent of our forefathers at all cost. The people of Texas know better than any others. Remember the Alamo!” bellowed The Donald.
At this point, all hell broke loose as the Texas mob turned into a pallid mosh pit. Mullets were bobbing and weaving as security enveloped the fracas. Trump and Christie reveled with glee as they filled their gluttonous holes with Texas brisket at the Shady Oak Barbecue in the aftermath.