New York, NY — In a surprise late-night announcement, President Donald Trump announced via Twitter that he has asked veteran conservative rocker Ted Nugent to head the Department of the NRA. The newly formed cabinet-level position is expected to be approved by Congress and is seen as a key strategy in making America great again.
“As we’ve said over and over again,” said Trump spokeswoman Kellyanne Conway speaking to Fox News’s morning show Fox & Friends, “the President-elect is picking the best people for his cabinet. He’s not going to pick people based on people who have been loyal to him. I think most Americans would acknowledge Ted Nugent as their gun rights leader. Even anti-2nd Amendment people realize that he’s the best man for this important position.”
Despite the obvious roadblocks for this new appointment, including the fact that there is no Department of the NRA and that the nation’s oldest gun rights organization is a private institution, Mr. Nugent embraced the nod with a gusto that his many fans would recognize.
“I’m an extremely loving, passionate man, and people who investigate me honestly, without the baggage of political correctness,” said the controversial rocker at his favorite local shooting range speaking of the upcoming confirmation process, “ascertain the conclusion that I’m a damned nice guy, and if you can find a screening process more powerful than that, I’ll suck your dick. Or I’ll fuck you, how’s that sound?”
The Trump administration has not provided details of the new NRA department, however that hasn’t stopped his surrogates from speculating on what the new secretary’s role might be.
“Donald Trump is the greatest deal maker in the history of this country,” said a over-confident, former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski on CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360 last night. “Mr. Trump has evolved to the point where he understands that a grass-roots strategy must be about connecting with the average people–people who like to rock and shoot guns–and he is prepared or preparing to spend whatever political capital it takes to make sure he keeps his promise to voters.”
According to Ms. Conway, the Trump transition are expecting the Republican-controlled Congress to not only approve Secretary Nugent, but also approve the government department.