Washington, D.C. — In a surprise tweet this morning, President Donald Trump announced that transcontinental railroad executive and physics expert Dagny Taggart will take over AMTRAK. Taggart, who’s known for insights on steel manufacturing and a shrewd business acumen, is the “one man who can fix AMTRAK” according to Mr. Trump.
According to anonymous White House insiders, President Trump was given a copy of the seminal Ayn Rand novel Atlas Shrugged shortly after he assumed the office by Vice President Pence who told him “it’s a training manual on how to fix AMTRAK.” Pence, who is not known to be a fan of the Objectivist writer, appears to believe that it is a “cookbook” to fix America and said the book was given to him shortly before the 2016 election by House Speaker Paul Ryan.
The White House released a statement following the tweet, apparently written by Trump the help of senior advisor Stephen Miller, commending both the President’s choice and the qualifications of Taggart to fix the ailing railroad service.
“The independence of his judgment lets him stand by the metal and her railroad in the face of almost unanimous social opposition. His dauntless determination drove him to build the John Galt Line that connected this great land. It’s this kind of innovation that will make America great again. We will once again be the envy of the world.”
During the non-televised daily press briefing, Deputy Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders defended both the tweet and the follow-up statement by accusing the press of distorting the President’s words into “fake news.”
“Look, you people like to take everything apart to find the smallest error,” said Ms. Huckabee Sanders reacting CNN’s Jim Acosta’s question about whether that President knows Atlas Shrugged is a work of fiction. “You media types just need to learn to take things in the bigger picture. You know what he meant and the President has the greatest faith in Director Dagny to fix the crumbling railroad.”
When asked if the President understands that Dagny Taggart is a woman, Ms. Huckabee Sanders sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Again, you don’t get it. You’re just going to keep digging to you have some sensational headline to run. The President’s tweets speak for themselves. I’m done answering these questions.”
According to the White House insider, President Trump is considering other appointments from Atlas Shrugged including “this John Galt guy if we can find him.”