Washington D.C. — According to Assistant to the Secretary of Defense for Intelligence Oversight Michael T. Mahar, a nuclear war with North Korea may lead to nuclear war. The Trump Administration official made the proclamation during the annual Defense League Contractors Association Breakfast early this morning.
“I don’t want to mince words here,” said the Secretary of Defense for Intelligence Oversight Mahar, “but it’s clear to both the Defense Department and the Joint Chiefs that a nuclear war with North Korea definitely has the chances of escalating into a full-blown nuclear conflict.”
The annual breakfast hosted by the Raytheon Company at its Waltham, Massachusetts headquarters draws both private and public officials from all over the United States and has even included dignitaries from United States allies. Mr. Mahar made his curious comments about halfway through the 4 course meal as participants had just finished watching what some in attendance deemed as a bizarre bit of performance art by Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin on the dangers and distractions of self-gratification in the age of ISIS. Fappy’s 45 Slide PowerPoint presentation contained many unsettling images, which may have distracted Secretary of Defense for Intelligence Oversight Mahar.
During the daily White House press briefing, Secretary Sarah Sanders seemed relieved. When asked about the Secretary of Defense for Intelligence Oversight’s bizarre and some say obvious remarks in light of the current troubles the administration is facing over its alleged involvement with Russian interference with the 2016 election, Ms. Sanders grinned.
“Well that’s just it,” said Secretary Sanders answering a question from Associated Press news service. “He obviously misspoke. But we all know what he really meant.”
When asked to explain what the Assistant to the Secretary of Defense for Intelligence Oversight meant, Ms. Sanders bristled and became irritated.
“Look Ben,” pointing aggressively at AP report Ben Shapelstone, “he said that nuclear war with North Korea may lead to nuclear war. I mean, come on. You might want to have your ears checked or something.”
The White House offered no additional explanation for Secretary of Defense for Intelligence Oversight Mahar’s comments.