Trump Proposes Wall Around Megyn Kelly

Megyn Kelly Trump

Earlier this week, presidential candidate and beacon of masculinity Donald Trump announced he will not be participating in the next Republican Presidential debate because Fox commentator and debate moderator Megyn Kelly is mean. Facing criticism for being a gigantic pussy, Trump quickly countered by unveiling his “PMS Containment Wall,” a proposed 8-foot, moveable wall encircling Kelly.

“This my friends is a time for bold action, and I think it’s time we put America back to work at the same time as we protect our citizens from mouthy broads,” he blustered. “For too long, kind-hearted, gentle, and humble men such as myself have been degraded by obnoxiously confident women who refuse to be intimidated by the fact that we have a penis and a really big mouth.”

Leaders of the Men’s Rights Activist (MRA) movement were quick to applaud Trump’s plans.

Prominent internet troll and MRA whiner Daft Franklin wrote in support, “We’re sick of bitches putting us in the friend zone. Kelly got what she deserved.” He continued a multi-page rant speculating on Kelly’s sexual exploits before concluding, “I never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t let me have sex with it after I pay for dinner and listen to her blab for two hours. Trump 2016!”

Kelly responded to the proposal with bewilderment.

“How is Donald Trump going to face the Russians, ISIS, anyone really? Is he this much of a coward?” Kelly went on to ask who would vote for such a ridiculous candidate, while in no way recognizing the role Fox News and she herself had played over the previous 15 years in building a base of rabid morons eager to vote for the first pompous blowhard to insult and bully his way through the race.

In response to criticism that he was still running away from Kelly, Trump announced his intention to force China to pay for the wall, and write his name across the top.

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Jon Reremy, PhD
When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.