Trump Pushing For New Tariffs On Orange Chicken

President Trump casually mentioned today that he was considering a sizable tariff on Orange Chicken.
President Trump casually mentioned today that he was considering a sizable tariff on Orange Chicken.

Washington D.C. — As President Trump made his way towards his helicopter, he made a quick comment how he’s working to increase tariffs on Orange Chicken, a popular dish served in many restaurants across the county.

“We’ve taxed them $50 billion — that’s on technology,” the president told reporters as he stopped to chat. Now we’ve added another $200 billion. And I hate to say that, but behind that, there’s another $267 billion ready to go on short notice if I want. That totally changes the equation. But will really get their attention, is hitting them where it really hurts. And that’s Orange Chicken.”

His announcement led to a flurry of questions from the press corp, but Mr. Trump scurried onto the helicopter without taking any additional questions. The tariffs that Trump has imposed, and threatened to impose, total $517 billion, more than the $505 billion in Chinese goods that entered the country last year. The addition of Orange Chicken is likely to annoy not only the Chinese, but also American consumers who ate a record amount of the tangy-sweet dish last year.

The variety of orange chicken most commonly found at North American Chinese restaurants consists of chopped, battered and fried chicken pieces coated in a sweet orange-flavored chili sauce, which thickens or caramelizes to a glaze. Over the past three years, the dish has eclipsed Ranch Dressing as America’s favorite food.

“Look, I get putting tariffs on steel and dairy products, but if Trump does this, I just can’t support him anymore,” said David Liptus of Reno, Nevada who claims to eat Orange Chicken at least twice week from various Chinese restaurants in the area. “I don’t see how making Orange Chicken more expensive is making America great again. Do you?”

According to 2017 statistics from the US the Department of Commerce, Chinese restaurants imported over 420 metric tons of Orange Chicken during the year at a cost of over 42 billion dollars. Putting a 25% tax on this vinegary delight will put it out of reach for average Americans.

“I take my kids to Panda Express two to three times per week,” said San Jose Mother of three Patricia Kelly speaking of the popular West Coast fast food Chinese restaurant chain. “That’s all my kids will eat. They get chow mein and two servings of Orange Chicken. It’s just another reason we need to get rid of Trump. He’s screwing up everything.”

The White House didn’t immediately respond for clarification on what’s now being called the Great Orange Chicken Embargo, but later in the day Sarah Huckabee Sanders sent an email to the press corp saying President Trump is still working on the details and no decisions have been made yet.

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