Trump Snorts Cocaine Through Thousand Dollar Bills

Part of the Donald Trump debate prep is sniffing cocaine through 1000 dollar bills.
Part of the Donald Trump debate prep is sniffing cocaine through 1000 dollar bills.

New York, NY  — Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has come under questioning on twitter for repeated, noticeable sniffing during the first presidential debate after his opponent Hillary Clinton reported that, prior to the presidential debate, Mr. Trump was snorting cocaine in the prep room through a hundred-dollar bill.

On Tuesday, Trump addressed these rumors at a press conference where he gave his version of the events that took place before the debate.

“I know a lot people have been saying things about my sniffling,” Mr. Trump commented. “Crooked Hillary Clinton is saying things, spreading things on the Internet. But I know she’s lying about what she saw, folks. I know it. Do you wanna know how I know? I know she’s lying because she’s been telling people I was using a hundred-dollar bill to snort cocaine. But that’s just not possible. Because when I snort cocaine, I only do it out of thousand dollar bills.”

When a reporter asked if this meant he was confirming the cocaine rumors, Trump responded in the affirmative.
“Of course I snort cocaine people. I never said I didn’t—wasn’t denying that. What I said was that Hillary was lying about how I snorted the cocaine. I mean, a hundred-dollar bill? Really people? I’m a billionaire. I wouldn’t wipe my ass with a hundred-dollar bill, let alone snort cocaine with one. No, the only way to snort cocaine is through a thousand dollar bill. There’s nothing better, people. Nothing.”

“I’m surprised you guys just figured this out now,” Mr. Trump continued. “Have you people ever tried cocaine? Cause let me tell you folks, that stuff makes you crazy. I mean, why else do you people think I’m so manic, unpredictable, irritable, and unable to control myself? It’s not that hard to connect the dots people.”

When asked whether he thought this revelation would change the American people’s perceptions of him and Clinton, Trump said: “Folks, who do you think sold me the cocaine in the first place?”

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