Londonderry, NH — At a recent New Hampshire campaign rally in which President Trump fanned the flames of racial conflict, he also took time to ironically warn a small crowd of non-socially distanced supporters that electing Joe Biden would “lead to pandemics and more rioting.”

“A vote for sleepy Joe is a vote for more rioting and pandemic.  Stuff you will not see under my rule,” shouted President Trump to the unmasked rabble crammed into an airplane hangar. “Sleepy Joe did nothing during my administration to slow the spread of COVID-19 or the rioting. So if you like what’s going on right now, be sure to vote for sleepy Joe. That I can tell you.”

In recent weeks, as unrest in several US cities dominated the news cycle, President Trump has sought to distance himself from his policies, which critics claim have contributed and exacerbated strife across the country. More recently, he’s accused the Biden and Harris ticket of being responsible for the unrest, despite the fact that neither occupies the executive branch.

Complicating matters, the President is running for office as if he’s not the incumbent.



“Let me say this. If you let sleepy Joe into the White House, we’ll have pandemics like you’ve never seen before,” continued President Trump to the cheering crowds. “He won’t have a plan, and millions will be out of work, and hundreds of thousands will die. And, if you elect me, I will end all of this on January 19th.”

Following the rally, several attendees implied that Joe Biden was already President.

“Look, we need to take out country back from communists like Biden,” said Kipsy Denise, a resident of nearby Derryderry, New Hampshire who made the drive to hear Trump and presumably get sick with COVID-19. “If we don’t stop Biden and Harris for their destruction of our way of life, imagine the low-income housing that will be everywhere in my community. He needs to be thrown out of the office and impeached.”

Others, like Hooksettderry, NH resident, and founder of the Liberty Patriots militia Darrel Haste took a more moderate point of view.

“We need to arm up and take back these cities,” said Haste looking down at his loaded AR-15. “Real Americans are tired of these Black Lives Matter thugs destroying our cities. What happens in Portland, well, happens in my head. I say we put snipers in buildings and shoot the hands of these communist rock-throwers.”

According to the 2020 Trump campaign, the president plans on fixing all of “Biden’s mess” once he’s elected in November. Until then, he will blame windmills, plumbing, and socialists for this country’s unrest.